I felt an intense tightness in my stomach, and my mind was revved up and already worrying itself in circles.
As I moved through my morning routine and eventually sat on my meditation cushion, I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable emotionally.
This happened exactly one month ago - I remember the date because it was the day before the last Mind Mastery Experience I led.
I thought I should cancel the event. I thought I should cancel my client calls for the day. I thought I should get up and move and focus on something else. I thought I should get up and do literally anything else but sit there and be with what I was feeling and thinking.
I plan for 15 minutes of meditation as part of my morning routine for exactly this reason: to practice being with reality as it is, instead of running towards the first distraction I can think of.
Our distractions dilute our experience, and we’re not often better off for it.
I wrapped up my journaling (which mostly consists of the practice of forgiveness and reminding myself who I am), closed my notebook, then closed my eyes.
The emotion I was sitting with was literally the most intense emotion I’ve possibly ever felt.
It felt like a group of sharp, jagged, shiny, black obsidian in the base of my gut, piercing up through my lungs and heart. It made it tough to even breathe.
I didn’t even know what emotion it was at first. I could just feel its darkness and its sharpness. It hurt.
Was it sadness? Was it fear? Was it hopelessness?
I didn’t feel like I should sit there with it. I thought something was wrong. I thought something needed fixing. I thought I needed to do anything but sit there and be with this terrifying emotion.
And I continued to sit there.
There are many many practices out there to support our emotional freedom. I used my go-to, a customized version of the Hawaiian spiritual practice of Ho’oponopono (write to me if you’d like my notesheet on it).
No joke, within 10 minutes, the emotion was complete and I was sitting in peace.
As I sat there, the name for the emotion eventually came to me: despair.
Here’s what effective emotional freedom practices do: they help me see that I am bigger than the emotion. I am the one experiencing the emotion. I am at the helm, and this emotion is an experience I’m having.
I could have lessened the intensity of the emotion by diluting my experience with social media, tasks, continued worried thinking, or any other number of distractions.
We dilute our experience with distractions.
We dilute our communications with bull crap and platitudes.
We dilute our apologies with justifications.
We dilute uncomfortable emotions, yet they don’t actually go away. Diluting them with distraction or resistance simply keeps the energy of the emotion stagnant, unintegrated, unwanted, and un-cared for.
Another path is possible - the path to emotional freedom.
I’ve learned how to love myself deeply by being willing to be with uncomfortable emotions. They are a secret gateway to the best parts of our humanity.
Even the piercing obsidian of despair can blossom into something extraordinarily beautiful.
Much Love. ❤️
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